Archive for the ‘ Holidays ’ Category

Don’t Kill the Dinner Guests

Author: ilana

Dec 22

Dinner party etiquette can be extremely complicated, and while I don’t typically host formal events requiring the use of a confusingly high number of scary utensils, there’s one rule I try to live by: don’t kill the dinner guests. I learned from my mother, when inviting someone for the first time; always ask if they have any food allergies. What about other food restrictions, medical, self-imposed, and the ever pleasant ridiculously picky eaters? Depending on the type of event and the number of people you’re cooking for, it can get tricky.

When you’re not serving a meal, it’s typically pretty easy to provide a variety of snacks that can keep everyone happy. And individuals with more difficult restrictions are generally accustomed to asking in advance, bringing something along they can eat, or at the very least, showing up with a full stomach. But when it comes to a home cooked dinner, I have a lot of sympathy for people with dietary restrictions. After all, I keep kosher and I have Crohn’s Disease. I think choosing to keep kosher is similar to choosing a vegetarian or vegan lifestyle. I have certain traditions, beliefs, etc, and while others may not share them, I want them to respect them. And while my disease is well-controlled through medication and for the most part, it won’t hurt me to eat anything in moderation, there have been times when that’s not the case, and my diet is incredibly restricted. I may not go into anaphylactic shock, but trust me, Crohn’s flairs aren’t pretty, and can lead to severe malnutrition, dehydration, and a need for serious drugs, hospitalization, or even surgery.

Generally, by asking people if they have allergies, they’ll volunteer any other pertinent dietary information. But at the same time, it’s not as wishy-washy as asking people if they have any likes or dislikes. If someone doesn’t like the texture of mushrooms – will eat them if they’re mixed all together, but pick them out if they’re big enough pieces, tough toenails! (I know – what a ridiculous phrase. My boss says it all of the time and I couldn’t resist.)

So this brings me to the Friday night Shabbat dinner party I hosted last week. My brother was visiting from Seattle, although his wife had to leave for New York Friday morning. Kirios was busy with his company’s holiday party. But I was taking the day off to spend time with my brother, and wanted to ensure that our evening was filled with good food and good company. I invited our first cousin who lives in the area, as well as her roommate who is also a friend of mine. I invited a childhood friend who lives in the area, and hadn’t seen my brother for a decade, and with his boyfriend. 6 people, no problem. There were a couple of allergies in the group – tree nuts, fish, sesame, and cocoa. As depressing as being allergic to chocolate sounds, this didn’t seem like a menu-planning challenge at all. In honor of my brother and cousin, and I decided to make our Grandma Magda’s Hungarian Stuffed Cabbage – a real patschke recipe that I had never tried myself (Yiddish for a production), but a wonderfully heavy and distinctive meal for a winter’s night.

Then all hell broke loose. And by that, I mean my brother casually asked if he could invite his fraternity brother who lived in the area over for dinner. I can seat 8 at my table, and cooking for seven or eight isn’t really any more work than cooking for six, so I naturally agreed. In fact, I had recently seen this guy at an event, which he attended with a lady friend. So I told my brother to go ahead and invite his girlfriend as well. They both graciously accepted our dinner invitation. “Ask about allergies,” I instructed my brother. Turns out the girlfriend is a diabetic who eats no carbs (including rice) and is allergic to soy. GREAT.

That’s when I started to panic. I realized it would be easy enough to keep some of the stuffed cabbage separate for her, without any rice mixed into the beef, and without any sugar in the sauce. The Hungarian version of this recipe is sour, and only includes a spoonful of sugar anyway (unlike the Polish, who make it sweet with raisins). Obviously I was planning to make challah for Shabbat, which she wouldn’t be able to eat. But I was determined to plan the rest of our menu to include her dietary restrictions. In the end, my brother and I settled on making a butternut and acorn squash soup, and roasted broccoli, onions, and mushrooms to accompany the cabbage. We were told she could eat fruit, nuts, and chocolate for dessert. Since nuts and chocolate were already on the allergy list, we had been planning to make an apple crisp. For our diabetic guest, we took some of the sliced apples, doused them in cinnamon, and baked them for her.

In the end, the stuffed cabbage and the rest of the food came out well. No one went hungry, and as far as we know, no one got sick from our food. I’d consider that a successful Shabbat!

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Filed under: Food, Health, Holidays, Parties

Holiday Parties

Author: ilana

Dec 12

During my last trip to the supermarket, I replenished my supply of olive oil and bought a box of Hannukah candles. Kirios’ parents put up their Christmas tree and lights (I’m still waiting for them to bake their Greek cookies though!) Although I’m not quite sure what happened to fall, it’s official: the holiday season is here.

As a young professional, the holiday season usually implies two things – holiday parties and empty offices. Every company celebrates the holidays a little differently – some host classy formal affairs, others challenge their employees to drink to the point of being ridiculous without jeopardizing your job.

When you work for a quasi-federal/severely in debt institution such as the Postal Service, however, holiday celebrations are typically limited to pay-your-way affairs. Two years ago, my manager brought in donuts and hosted a small gift exchange before our department went out to a nice restaurant for lunch. I supplied 50 homemade latkes to represent the festival of lights. It was a nice time, and my supervisor voluntarily covered lunch for his employees.

Last year, my department opted for a swanky lunch at an Italian restaurant along with a Postal Trivia activity. It too was a nice affair, but it set me back $35. My fellow young professionals (there were 3 of us under 30…) bemoaned the cost of a meal we didn’t get to choose, and discussed passing up on the party. But alas, when someone 3 levels above you in the corporate food chain invites you to a luncheon, non-attendance doesn’t seem to be a viable option.

And this year? Well, my manager has been so swamped and things around the Postal Service have been so depressing, no one’s even mentioned a holiday party. Sigh.

In contrast, Kirios’ office party is usually a fancy event with a nice dinner and an open bar. Employees are sent home with a token gift (last year it was Ralph Lauren drinking glasses) and participate in a white elephant gift exchange. The owners purchase all of the gifts, last year’s most coveted prize was an iPad. Kirios didn’t win it, but he did walk away with a netbook, and his coworker sitting next to us went home with $300 cash. Not too shabby. Unfortunately, Kirios will be attending his office party stag this year, since my brother is coming to visit. Although it’s not a great loss, I can’t help but feel disappointed that I don’t get to pretend for an evening that I work someplace that likes to celebrate and treat its employees to a night out.

I guess for this year, I’ll be enjoying holiday parties with friends, homemade treats, and other holiday rituals. And of course an empty office for the next couple of weeks 😉

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Filed under: Events, Holidays, Parties

Thanksgiving with the In-Laws

Author: ilana

Nov 28

I love Thanksgiving – it’s a wonderful long weekend filled with family, good old friends, and a lot of great food. Starting when my older brother first went off for college, the weekend became something more, it became homecoming. There was anticipation of his return, and the return of our other friends his age. It wasn’t long until our friends my year and I left Pittsburghand dispersed to various universities as well. But on Thanksgiving, just about everyone returned. Wednesday night we’d all meet up at our favorite coffee shop and talk for hours. Thursday, Thanksgiving itself, was usually reserved for our immediate family, sometimes hosting another family too. Friday morning our friends host the best brunch of the year, and we hardly have time to digest before my mom hosts her big Shabbat dinner featuring Moroccan tagine. Saturday is for synagogue, leftovers, and the movies. And then all of the cool kids go out for a drink or two at the least lame bar in walking distance from everyone’s houses. If I leavePittsburghearly enough on Sunday morning, I can beat all of the traffic and get back to Maryland in time for a late lunch and relaxing afternoon.

This year, however, my parents were invited to a wedding in Miami the Sunday after Thanksgiving. And since I have an aunt and uncle nearby in Ft. Lauderdale, my parents figured it was the perfect opportunity to spend Thanksgiving with them. Much to my friends’ dismay, I decided that spending the long weekend in my parents’ empty house without them would make me sad, so I would skip going to Pittsburgh. Since my brother was spending Thanksgiving in Chicago with his in-laws, I decided to stay local. I planned to have a restful break with Kirios, and his parents invited me over for the Thanksgiving meal.

I left work early on Wednesday, and when I got back to my apartment to cook. Even though Kirios’ parents were hosting me for Thanksgiving, I really wanted to make a few of my favorite dishes from Thanksgiving at home, so that I could enjoy them throughout the weekend. I cooked cornbread; brussel sprouts with garlic and bread crumbs (I know it’s weird, but I LOVE brussel sprouts); sweet potato soufflé with a corn flake, raisin, and pecan topping; and cranberries with pineapple, mandarin oranges, and pecans. Before Kirios could make it over to share in a dinner of sides, I did become a bit overcome with homesickness. But once he arrived and we started eating, I felt much better… minus the fact that I under cooked the cornbread to the point of it being inedible. Sigh.

Thursday morning I turned on the Macy’s Parade, relaxed, and took turns speaking with all of my family members. I stopped at the store to pick up flowers for Kirios’ mother, and headed over to their house at three. First, I should mention that despite being excellent cooks and having spent the past few decades in the United States, Kirios’ parents don’t usually cook Thanksgiving dinner. Last year, they went out for dim sum instead. And second, Kirios’ family does not like turkey. In fact, Kirios told me if I cooked one, he wouldn’t have any. (Not that I believe he wouldn’t have tasted it, but he certainly doesn’t prefer it.) So with me around for the holiday, they decided to cook a Thanksgiving feast, and roast a kosher chicken.

Kirios surprised me by baking cornbread, since mine was such a disappointment. His cornbread was dairy, since he didn’t know my mom’s trick – replace the milk with apple juice or cider. So I was promptly instructed to dig in on the treat prior to beginning our meat meal. When it came to the main event, in addition to the roasted chicken, our main course included salad, cranberries with fresh fruits, potatoes, Swiss chard from the family garden, homemade bread and hummus, zucchini with fried egg, and a stuffing inspired chicken risotto.

After dinner, Kirios anxiously noted the time, and we drank hot apple cider and talked until enough time elapsed that I was ready to enjoy dairy desserts. Usually somewhat skeptical about the rules of kashrut, they were especially considerate on Thursday, reminding Kirios its better to digest dinner first anyway. I was already pretty full, but dessert was worth the wait – Kirios’ father made a trio of desserts; an apple berry tart, an apple pumpkin pecan pie (say that three times fast), and a pumpkin pecan pie with a different crust. Delicious.

Kirios and I spent the rest of the day relaxing in front of the television, indulging in the traditional post-Thanksgiving meal food coma. We did have tea and fruit much later in the evening. But I don’t think there was any more room in my stomach after that. At the end of the day, even without the turkey, I was feeling pretty thankful.

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Filed under: Food, Holidays

‘Tis the Season

Author: ilana

Oct 24

’Tis the Season

Finally the whirlwind of the Fall Jewish holiday season has come to an end. I love the fall holidays (minus the lack of food on Yom Kippur thing, of course) and look forward to the special foods and traditions each year. But since finishing school, they’ve become a lot more exhausting. Traveling to see family, making time for synagogue, cooking all of your favorite recipes, and entertaining – heck, just being a guest for holiday dinner parties, gets to be a lot events and effort.

Just about everyone has heard of Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur, so when I take off of work and head home (or to Baltimore to stay with family friends for Yom Kippur, usually) no one is surprised. Friendly coworkers ask me how my holidays were and I can usually even benefit by sleeping in for a couple of extra hours. But after Yom Kippur, we the Chosen People get overloaded with more – Sukkot, Shemini Atzeret, and Simchat Torah. While these holidays are less well known than the “High Holy Days,” they are an integral part of the fall holiday season, and are observed with just as much effort by traditional Jews.

For me, observing Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur are non-negotiables, but as I’ve entered the abyss of “adulthood” I’ve had to make some compromises and trade-offs to keep me sane. I decided that taking off from work for multiple days every week for all of Tishrei (the Jewish month) would not be the best way to allocate my annual allotment of vacation time. Instead, I typically spend about half of my vacation days each year celebrating holidays with my friends and family inPittsburgh – usually Rosh HaShana and the first days of Passover in the spring. Even though I go to work, I still try to find ways to acknowledge the special time and celebrate these holidays with friends in the DC area.

This year I had the special privilege of introducing Kirios to Sukkot and Simchat Torah. (Let’s be honest – Shemini Atzeret is quite possibly the most marginal significant Jewish holiday.) Since Kirios was vacationing and visiting family in Cyprus during the holidays last year, he had already learned a lot about them. I had already overcome the hurdle of describing a lulav. (a collection of a palm, willow, and myrtle branches traditionally shaken with an etrog, citron, during the holiday – so you can see, if you haven’t grown up with this tradition, it’s going to sound a bit nuts!)

Since I live in an apartment building, I rely on celebrating vicariously through the meals my parents host in their sukkah at home in Pittsburghand on the kindness of being invited for meals and events by friends who do have sukkahs. This year, I was fortunate enough to visit two sukkahs. The first belongs to my friend from college and his parents, and every year they host a lovely open-sukkah party on Shabbat afternoon. They have an impressive spread of both dairy and parve treats, and it’s always a great time to gather with friends and enjoy the crisp autumn air. Last year I actually had a fever during this event, and was devastated that I missed it. But the beauty of the holidays is that they return the next year. The second sukkah I visited belonged to a friend I first met in USY and her housemates. We shared an intimate dinner together on the Sunday night of Sukkot, chatting about what we’ve been up to like any other night. But the following night I returned (this time with Kirios, who had returned from his trip to New York) for an open event my friend hosted – snacks, music, hookah, and overall chillaxing in her sukkah. It was Kirios’ first time being inside a sukkah, and he even shook the lulav and etrog. I enjoyed the dichotomy – a very laid back evening hanging out with a group of people, and at the same time observing the special, albeit odd, Sukkot traditions.

And then there was Simchat Torah… my very favorite holiday. When my mom was growing up, her synagogue on Long Island would give the children candy apples to mark the occasion. I was always a fan of the singing and dancing on the bimah, and my synagogue would hand out candy and miniature toy Torahs. Because I grew up in Squirrel Hill, which has so many synagogues in walking distance, I began to “shul hop” for the holiday each year starting in 9th grade. My conservative synagogue’s services would end around 8 or 8:30, and a group of us teenagers would start making our rounds to the orthodox and Chabad synagogues where the party (service) was still going on. Usually we’d wander home around midnight, in order to appease or parents. In college, I would first attend services at Hillel, and then join Chabad on the other side of campus where they would close down a traffic circle near the freshman dorms for dancing in the streets before proceeding onward to the Chabad house itself.

Since “becoming a grown-up” Simchat Torah has remained a special treat. This year, I coordinated with several of my go-to Jews, as well as Kirios and a non-Jewish friend/coworker of mine who was interested in participating in the festivities. We met at AdasIsrael, a large Conservative congregation which offers frequent young professionals programming and a $99 membership for those under 35 (not surprisingly, several of my friends and I are members there). Adas offered snacks and free libations for the young professional crowd in a room adjacent to their family services. It was a large who’s who, and I enjoyed catching up with friends and acquaintances – those I had planned to meet up with, folks I knew from college, even a girl from home in Pittsburgh. But I barely had time to mingle before being pulled into the other room for the traditional singing and dancing. When the services concluded, I rallied my troops and we hustled to get to Chinatown, where Sixth & I’s festivities were just ramping up. As we arrived, the crowd had flood outside to a blocked off I Street and circle dancing continued. I ran into more familiar old faces, I carried a Torah, and I even met a recently retired Postal Service employee (who worked in Government Relations with my friend who came along) who was one of the rabbis leading the service.

All in all, Sukkot and Simchat Torah were happy celebrations for me, and having Kirios experience some of the traditions as well made them extra special this year. But honestly, I’m tired. And I’m not disappointed that for the first time in a month there are no holidays to celebrate this week. Although, I suppose Halloween is just around the corner…

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Filed under: Holidays, Trying New Things

Forgivings

Author: ilana

Oct 6

Last week I journeyed home to my parents’ house in Pittsburgh to celebrate Rosh HaShana, the Jewish New Year, with them. Tomorrow night marks the next milestone on the Jewish calendar – Yom Kippur. In preparation for this holiday, we are supposed to reach out to those around us who we have sinned against throughout the previous year and request forgiveness.

I’d like to think I’m a decent person, and that I haven’t seriously wronged any one over the past 12 months. But let’s be honest, who isn’t guilty of gossip, jealousy, and some lies (white or otherwise, we have our reasons!) Growing up I attended Jewish day school, and at this time of the year, frenemies would typically kiss and make up (after all, that fight was so 6th grade, and a whole summer has passed!) But as an adult, how frequently do we pick up the phone to call a friend and fess up for our sins – however big or small, in an effort to clear the slate and move forward? I have to wonder in many cases – if you bad mouth a friend, if you lie about already having plans when you’d just prefer not to spend time with someone at that time, or if an old friend hurts your feelings and you spent a couple weeks avoiding him or her, why should we jeopardize our these relationships by reopening old wounds?

This year, there is one old friend I’ve decided to reach out to in search of forgiveness for the first time – myself. I hope by Yom Kippur this year, I’ll be able to forgive myself for my shortcomings – for the things I could have done differently, the things I could have done better. I hope I’ll move into this New Year understanding that I am only human, and there’s no reason to feel guilty about that!

 

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Filed under: Holidays
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