Archive for the ‘ Relationships ’ Category

Two Years and Counting

Author: ilana

May 21

I’ve been running around for the past couple weeks without taking time to blog about my adventures. Kirios is currently on a 3+ week vacation with his parents, and I’m doing my best to stay busy in his absence. Despite that, I think it’s about time I attempt to catch up on some of the noteworthy activities in my life recently.

May 8th was my two-year anniversary with Kirios. It fell on a Tuesday night this year, so we decided to treat ourselves to dinner at a nice restaurant in the middle of the week to celebrate. Originally we had discussed trying to get reservations at Rasika, the fanciest/most difficult to get a reservation at Indian restaurant in the district. Kirios suggested Indique in Cleveland Park as a cheaper but still classy alternative. We had a wonderful time at its sister restaurant Indique Heights (in Friendship Heights) for our first semi-versary a year and half earlier. I told him I still preferred to try Rasika, but I caved when a $20 for $40 deal of the day showed up in my inbox for Indique a couple days later. Welcome to two years – we’re not ashamed to use daily deals and coupons on dates, even for special occasions! Of course, I insisted that we would have to go to Rasika for my birthday if we don’t find another occasion sooner.

I was delighted to have so many new dresses to choose from in time for our anniversary. I picked out fairly fancy form-fitting sleeveless dress that’s purple on top and black starting at its high waist. Unlike most of my new dresses, it’s too dressy for most events and it isn’t appropriate for work. Any excuse to wear it will do! Since Kirios offered to drive, I wore black high heels and a lace shawl. Kirios is always happy to take off his work clothes when he gets home, in favor for his infamous plaid shorts and brown flip flops. For this occasion, he wore khakis which I bought him as an anniversary present. (No joke, the guy didn’t own a single pair of khaki pants!) He wore a nice polo and a sports coat and a nice pair of shoes. You know he’s making an effort when he leaves the flip flops at home.

The atmosphere at Indique was pleasant. Tables were a bit close together, but there was plenty of room. We sat next to a window, and there was a cute balcony with Christmas lights, but it was a bit too chilly for outside seating. It didn’t have a fountain or a swing bench like Indique Heights though, sigh.

We ordered drinks; Kirios got a mango lassi and I was tempted by their specialty cocktails but decided to have a glass of shiraz. We split a salmon “slider” appetizer, a salmon burger with shallot, ginger, and cumin between oothapam, Indian pancakes. It was served was a fish sauce, but we thought it was more interesting paired with the standard Indian restaurant chutney trio. The dish was unexpected for an Indian restaurant, but tasty none-the-less. Kirios and I are suckers for crepe-like dishes.

For the main course, Kirios ordered lamb vindaloo, which has been his standard Indian dish for at least the past 6 months. A Greek boy has a hard time passing up a good lamb dish. He ordered it at a spicy level of 10, as usual. This of course drives me mad, but it definitely wasn’t as spicy as versions of the dish other restaurants have served him. Since they didn’t offer any vegetarian thali platters, which I enjoy splurging on from time to time, I decided to stick with a favorite too. I ordered baingan bhartha, roasted eggplant with tomatoes and spices. We also had an order of garlic naan, because half the fun of eating Indian food is the naan. The entrees were served with a side of lentils and some pretty vegetable garnishes, presentation was nice. Portion sizes were typical; we were both too full to order dessert. But overall, Indique’s renditions of our favorite Indian meals just seemed average to us. There were points in the meal where we both wished we were at our go-to Indian restaurant inBethesda, Tandoori Nights. (Truthfully, I’ve been dying to go back since I ordered a new eggplant dish during my last visit, Shahi Baingan, which was exceptional.)

At the end of the evening we had a dispute with the manager over the bill, since they insisted on taking the $40 voucher value off the after-tax total, despite the fine print on the voucher instructing otherwise. Not a great ending to a less than enchanting experience. But to be clear, it was a lovely evening despite the mediocrity of our meals, and truly special to go out and celebrate this milestone in our relationship.

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Filed under: Events, Food, Relationships

A Night in Provence

Author: ilana

Mar 16

Kirios and I have been cutting back on eating out lately in an effort to reduce our spending and focus on healthy cooking. But Kirios decided it was time to indulge ourselves a bit, and planned a surprise dinner out this past Tuesday. I was told to wear a pretty dress, and that we had a 7pm reservation somewhere close by. There are over 200 restaurants within a mile of my apartment, so I can’t say that narrowed the field too much…

In honor of the 80 degree weather we’ve been having in the DC area this week, I broke out a simple royal blue sleeveless dress and fancied things up a bit with bright pink peep toe/sling back heels and a matching hand bag. Kirios came over a little early and we had a glass of the Lebanese wine we opened last Sunday.

At a quarter to seven, Kirios hurried me out the door and we strolled around Bethesda. A few times he started walking me into a restaurant before pulling my arm back and doing an about face – “not this one!” And once or twice he actually got confused about which direction it was in, and he pulled up GoogleMaps on his phone. :P Finally, we arrived at Bistro Provence, a fancy French restaurant.

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, we went on a couple of walks around town to check out menus at the many hidden restaurants in Bethesda, and I remember when we stopped into Bistro Provence. It was adorable on the inside, and the food looked delicious, but pricey. It must have been back in November when Kirios first made a note to take me there sometime!

Upon our arrival, we were asked if we wanted to sit inside our outside. There was no way I’d pass up an opportunity to sit outside when it was in the low 80s/high 70s, plus the restaurant felt like a sauna with the heat from the kitchen and no air conditioning yet. The host/lead waiter was charming, first asking if we were over 21. When we said yes, he said, “really, both of you!?!” and Kirios thanked him for the compliment. He directed me to my seat, “Right this way, Mademoiselle – or is it Madame?” Kirios was quick to reply, “She’s not Madame yet!”

We passed on pre-dinner champagne and a 3-digit bottle of wine. We took our time picking from the menu and enjoying the courtyard setting. Perfect weather, stone walls, pretty candelabras and potted plants. I was smiling a lot and Kirios couldn’t help but sneak a few pictures of me, while his camera was sitting on the table. We must have asked the waiter for more time to decide at least before focusing and making up our minds. Finally we ordered a roasted red pepper salad to share with nicoise olives, goat cheese, and a balsamic reduction to share. For our entrees I had salmon with ratatouille and Kirios ordered thice e duck breast, which came with brussel sprouts and some kind of sweet potato soufflé. Our meals were quite tasty. Though I think there was a lot more duck on Kirios’ plate than salmon on mine! (After I told him this he felt a bit guilty for taking a forkful of mine, but it wasn’t a problem!)

After we finished our entrees, neither of us could resist peaking at the dessert menu, and there was quite a selection. Kirios narrowed the pool to about five options, and I chose the Chocolate Amaretto Parfait. It was light and smooth amaretto parfait with a hard chocolate bottom (arguably the best part), an amaretto soaked cookie type thing… it wasn’t really a cookie, but I don’t know how to describe it… and some cherries and sauce which provided some nice flavor contrast. It was delicious, and we also shared a cappuccino with it. I rarely ever have coffee drinks, since it’s particularly harsh on my Crohn’s inflicted GI tract – but sipping a cappuccino in this beautiful courtyard on a warm evening and pretending we were in Southern France was the most enjoyable part of my week. It reminded me of my semester abroad (before I gave up coffee, I had quite a few cappuccinos in Italy), and my dreams of traveling Europe with Kirios sometime in the future…

Happy date night, Kirios!

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Filed under: Food, Relationships

Challahbear & Kirios Celebrate Valentine’s Day

Author: ilana

Feb 23

Having attended a Jewish day school for eight years while growing up, Valentine’s Day was never a big celebration. We were not encouraged to bring in cards or candy for our classmates, and my mother never failed to remind me that the holiday is actually SAINT Valentine’s Day. (I never trick-or-treated either, but I promise, I turned out just fine!) Looking back now, I never considered it a double standard when my father brought home chocolates (or even better, Godiva flavored coffee) for my mother on February 14th. I suppose he always bought extra candy on Halloween too, so I shouldn’t complain…

Last year, after having dated Kirios for several months already, it seemed appropriate for us to exchange gifts and spend time together on Valentine’s Day. We decided not to go out for a fancy dinner or anything, and we made a no-chocolate pact. (Trust me, we already had plenty between the two of us!) I ordered Kirios a set of cufflinks with his initials engraved on them (which meant I needed to buy him a French cuff shirt next so he could wear them!), and was feeling pretty good about my gift for him, and then a few days before Valentine’s Day I won a $25 Godiva gift card in an office raffle. There went my side of the pact!

Meanwhile, Kirios was laboriously working on the circuitry for ThinkGeek’s “LED Flashing Sweetheart Kit” and plotting the demise of our pact as well. (Yes, I love my Greek Geek.) While the flashing heart didn’t exactly pan out, (must have been a short somewhere) Kirios did surprise me with an entire case of Israeli popping chocolate. If you haven’t had popping chocolate, just imagine a chocolate bar with pop rocks inside it. When I traveled toIsrael in high school, I hoarded the stuff. My parents went toIsrael together in October 2010 and brought me back a bar, which I shared with Kirios. “They sell the cow brand chocolate in the States,” I told him, “but I’ve never seen the popping one here. It’s so unfair.” He may have broken our no-chocolate pact, but major props for thinking of popping chocolate and for actually finding it in theUnited States! (I know, he’s a keeper…)

Anyway, sure enough February rolled around again this year and Hallmark store on the way to my office started displaying humongous red hearts all over the place. With our trip toNew Mexicoin the beginning of the month and my birthday at the end, we decided again to skip the expensive price-fixed dinner, and while we were at it, we renewed our no chocolate pact. Instead, we decided to make our own crepe feast with savory crepes for dinner and sweet crepes for dessert using our fancy schmancy blue steel crepe pan.

I was in charge of getting ingredients for the savory crepes and Kirios was in charge of the dessert ones. I stopped at the supermarket on my way home from work, and picked up some fresh produce to ensure a delightful meal. Before Kirios came over, I prepared a platter of vegetables so we could quickly make the crepes together and then start eating our first course. We had steamed asparagus; sautéed portabella mushroom and garlic; fresh spinach, carrots, scallions, tomato, and avocado; as well as kosher imitation bacon bits, fresh oregano (to appeal to his Greek flavor profile) and hand-grated cheese.

I also gave Kirios a small gift – a mug designed to look like a camera lens. He was pleased with his present, and now uses it to drink coffee at work. :)  Kirios agreed not to get me a special Valentine’s Day gift, since he had just bought me a beautiful ring while we were in Santa Fe. But the man lacks restraint sometimes, especially when it comes to spoiling me. He arrived at my apartment with two overflowing grocery bags from Trader Joe’s and immediately said, “oh no, I forgot to buy a pineapple!” I mean, what sweet crepe is complete without a whole pineapple to stuff inside of it?!? Slowly he began unveiling the fruits he picked out for dessert – blueberries, blackberries, bananas. And then he continued to unveil fruits – mango, kiwis, a basket of plums, three different colors of grapes, an entire bag of oranges, a pomegranate, and a cantaloupe! Kirios became frustrated that I was putting the fruit away too slowly (it required a love of refrigerator maneuvering) but he didn’t stop pulling contents out of his grocery bags. In addition to the fruits, Kirios had also purchased two kinds of cheeses, a container of chai tea mix, mango ginger chutney (which provided much needed moisture for our savory crepes), a bottle of sparkling wine, and a single red rose.

It’s now more than a week after Valentine’s Day. I am still making my way through the produce, but I didn’t miss the pineapple!

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Filed under: Food, Holidays, Relationships

Player or Planner?

Author: ilana

Dec 23

The other day I emailed a coworker of mine who has been out of the office on military leave for the army to wish her a merry Christmas. I was delighted to hear that she was actually home for the holidays, and she was interested in getting together for lunch with me and our boss next week. We both told her that we’ll be around the office and would love to do lunch, so she emailed writing, “Where would you like to go, Mike’s? Ok. Excellent choice. : )” Mike’s is a restaurant we’ve gone to together as a team before, kind of a far drive out Virginia. But it is one of her very favorite restaurants, so she offered to pick us up and drive us there.

My coworker’s restaurant selection reminded me of a conversation we had together back when Kirios and I first started dating. We had just gone on our second date – a trip to the National Portrait Gallery followed by dinner at Matchbox, a regional gourmet pizza chain which is one of his favorite restaurants (as it’s much more affordable than Zaytinya, his very favorite we went to for his birthday). I had a great time – we were planning more dates and emailing each other throughout the day at work, you could definitely say that I was smitten. But like most of us sensible ladies, I was trying hard not to get ahead of myself – not to let my guard down just to find out he was a notorious playboy, a million dollars in debt and addicted to shopping, a borderline alcoholic, or already three girls’ baby daddy.

At some point in this process, I did the inevitable, and began Facebook stalking him. For those of you that know Kirios, you know he loves to take pictures and post them on Facebook, so there was a lot to see and learn. I tried to limit my peeking – I’d rather learn by getting to know him in person. Plus, who really likes to see pictures of their love interests with other women? Of course, it’s not his fault he was with the wrong women – he didn’t know me yet, so he didn’t know what he was missing out on!

Despite this, I looking at his pictures with past dates and girlfriends did upset me – I found pictures of him at the same museum and the same restaurant with at least two ladies. I thought about our impromptu photo-session in the museum courtyard. The cocktail he ordered at the restaurant, no longer featured on their menu. A trap, a sham! All of it, the skeezeball! Here I am, thinking we had a really special date, and now I see these pictures and feel really dumb. Just another girl falling for the same trick he’s used a million times.

Incredibly discouraged, I went over to my coworker’s cubicle to complain. I filled her in on everything, looking for sympathy. But she gave me a lot more than just that – she gave me a completely different perspective on the situation. “Remember that restaurant we went to, Mike’s? It’s one of my favorite restaurants, and I’ve taken a lot of different guys there. It doesn’t mean that I think the guys are all the same, it’s just that I know we’ll enjoy our meal there!” Maybe Kirios wasn’t a lazy date-recycling player, and instead, just a guy hoping to ensure that a second date would turn into a third with an itinerary with which he felt confident and comfortable. The only way to find out would be to continue to get to know him. So with a still cautious skeptical and skeptical attitude, but much more optimism and encouragement, courtesy of my coworker, I continued to see Kirios.

As it turned out, on date number three Kirios decided he was feeling comfortable enough with me to quit playing it safe (I had planned our first date) and take me to a restaurant with very good reviews and that he had never been to before – and it was a disaster! The restaurant was in a neighborhood of DC that I wouldn’t walk alone in at night, in the basement of a house. When we got there, we learned that they only accept patrons with advance reservations, because they have all of 3 tables. And there was a cat sitting on one of the tables. I was horribly sketched out. No doubt they have excellent food, we’ll have to try it for real one day, but that was NOT going to be the night! I’m sure Kirios was pretty embarrassed by the debacle, and he worked hard to act cool while thinking on his feet and find a perfectly lovely plan B restaurant. I was ecstatic – this was a unique experience we had shared together, one which we’ve been laughing about ever since.

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Filed under: Relationships, Trying New Things

Meat Pizza

Author: ilana

Dec 13

One of the main principles of keeping kosher is not to “cook a calf in its mother’s milk.” Simply put – don’t eat meat and dairy in the same meal. This is a tenant of kashrut that my parents brought me up to follow, and is pretty much second nature to me. I don’t make chicken parmigiana, I eat hamburgers instead of cheese burgers, and I frequently substitute butter for parve margarine. So when I was planning to cook Shabbat dinner for Kirios a month or two after we started dating, and he requested a meat pizza, I was taken aback.  Let me be clear – Kirios understood that I don’t mix meat and dairy, he requested a meat pizza without any cheese. But I refused immediately. It seemed absurd.

For me, pizza is by nature a dairy meal – bread, sauce, and cheese, plus any veggie toppings if I so desired. For Kirios though, his ideal pizza was inherently meat. Pepperoni, sausage, chicken… you name it; he loves it on his pizza. Sure, his pizza usually includes cheese as well, but he was willing to live without it for the night, declaring meat paramount. His argument seemed perfectly rational and logical – kosher meat, sauce, bread, and any veggies we choose. Why not? Still, it seemed so foreign and unnatural to me. “We still can’t do it. All of my pizza pans are dairy, I won’t cook meat on them,” I declared. I thought I had won, but my stubborn boyfriend persisted – he bought me a brand new pizza pan to be used for meat, instead of dairy. “This won’t be the only time I want to eat a homemade meat pizza with you,” he said confidently.

For that first meat pizza, I didn’t have time to make a special trip to the Kosher store, so I purchased kosher beef salami and turkey slices from the regular supermarket to top our pizza. It was a big success – Kirios’ point was valid: meat, sauce and bread; what’s not to like? I thought of it like a veggie burger – not a replacement for a hamburger, but a valid entrée in its own right. I wasn’t exactly ready to abandon cheese pizzas, but mixing things up with a meat pizza every once in a while didn’t sound like a bad idea either.

Kirios and I have made several homemade pizzas since. I’ve made special trips to the kosher store and we’ve experimented with different meat toppings: hard salami, turkey fry strips, beef fry strips, and spicy sausages. We even made a cheese pizza with Morningstar fake bacon (which features ridiculous neon coloring). One day we bought kosher lamb bacon, which triumphantly declared the best kosher substitute for regular pig bacon – although we had that top a salad instead of a pizza.

My family was especially interested in hearing about our meat pizzas – for them, like me, the idea of pizza with meat seemed unnatural to them. But they were also fascinated by the idea – understanding that it was a different but delicious pizza formula. Kirios and I will be making another meat pizza for dinner tomorrow night, to share with my brother and sister-in-law who are coming to visit. Unfortunately there was no lamb bacon at the Kosher store this week, but we’ll be topping our pizza with fresh veggies and basil, beef fry strips, and chorizo sausage.

Personally, meat pizza is more than a good story and a good meal to me. It’s representative of how Kirios and I have shaped our relationship. He is respectful of my traditions and observances, and I understand that he has differing views and preferences. We weren’t raised the same way, and it can be challenging, but it also keeps things interesting. And when we include each other and share our favorite things, our culture, and our traditions, it makes them even better. Anyone else hungry for Greek food now?

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Filed under: Food, Relationships, Trying New Things

Things that Frustrate me and Make me Sad

Author: ilana

Dec 1

I’m not going to gripe about being on hold with BestBuy for two hours or the fact that Starbucks charges an extra 60 cents for soy milk today. It’s time to talk about the things that really make me sick to my stomach, keep folks awake with worry, and bring out existentialist crises. Today, a long-time friend of mine lost her mother to a battle with non-smokers’ lung cancer. In itself, this is terrible and depressing. But to make matters worse, another friend of mine lost her mother to the same disease less than four months ago.

My mother called to tell me the news, and after a while our conversation drifted. My mom started talking about some other family friends who have been having a rough time. A little older than my parents, both husband and wife have been struggling with serious health problems. As my mother detailed medications, surgeries, and worrisome coughs, I suddenly told her to stop. “Enough for today.” My mother frequently brings up subjects I don’t care to discuss – Mothers never stop embarrassing you. I tell her to change the subject or I’ll get off the phone, and she gets upset, saying it’s unfair for me to control the conversation like that. But today, she didn’t object, she just obliged. She too knew the feeling – enough is enough.

I’m 24 years old, and I am not ready to lose my parents. I’m also not ready for my friends to lose their parents. I’m not sure if anyone is ever actually ready for that. I know it happens, I have friends who lost their parents when they were young. Maybe too young to really remember them. But my first memory of a parent’s friend dying is when I was in 12th grade. My friend was away from home for her first year of college, and her mother found her father – he had complained of a headache the night before, but no one knew he had a brain tumor until he was gone. It scared me. Since then, there have been more losses – some sudden, some with prolonged suffering. They don’t get easier. Each one is a painful reminder of how fragile life is.

I know that death is part of life. And until it’s our time, we must live on. But tonight, I’d like to publicly declare that non-smoker’s lung cancer, common in younger women, makes me frustrated. And when one of my friends loses a parent, it really makes me sad.

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Filed under: Health, Relationships

Saying Hello or the Duck and Cover

Author: ilana

Nov 21

Because I have Crohn’s Disease, I’m on a medication called Remicade which I take intravenously. Every 5-6 weeks I spend an afternoon at the Doctor’s office, sleeping in a reclining chair while medicine drips into me. Last Friday I had an infusion, and as I was waking up from my nap, the PA who administers the infusion suggested I check who was in the chair at the other end of the room. Three big chairs down from me was a former teammate of mine from Team Challenge, the Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation’s Half Marathon Training/Fundraising Program. The PA knew that we were friendly through our involvement in the program, and she was amused that we had been in the same room for so long without recognizing each other. (I was asleep, a valid excuse!) I hadn’t seen my teammate since we had returned from our race in Vegas last December, and I was happy to catch up with her. She told me that she had finished graduate school, started a new job, and was preparing for this year’s race.

The next night, Kirios and I went out with my friend/coworker and another coworker happened to walk into the same bar as us, right behind us. Neither of us are friends with him, but we know him fairly well, so we said hello to him and remarked on the coincidence. By the time he finished saying hi back, he was already up the stairs on a different floor from us.

Why is saying hello to an acquaintance so easy with some people and so painfully awkward with others? It happens all of the time – you’re on the metro, at an event, or even at the supermarket and you spot someone you know. In my experience, one of three things generally happens:

  1. You say hello. You smile and ask them how they are. You inquire about their family/significant other/mutual friends you also haven’t been in touch with, or you reminisce about the class you took together or the crazy party you saw them at last. Five to ten minutes later you part ways feeling satisfied that you ran into someone who you never see. You might even send the other party an email or Facebook post the next day saying it was nice running into him or her. In extreme cases, you might even make plans to intentionally see this person in the future.
  2. You say hello. You smile and ask them how they are, or vice versa. Maybe there’s an awkward hug. (Ever notice how these always happen at the bar, but are way less likely on the train or at the supermarket?!?) And by the time the other party says “I’m good,” you’re both making your way to the next person, place, or conversation. You generally feel nothing. Occasionally, you’re dissatisfied – you think you deserve more than 30 seconds of the other person’s time, or there’s sadness over a relationship that was once meaningful and is now reduced to hi and bye. But chances are this person doesn’t mean a whole lot to you now, even and if they do, you both clearly had other, more attractive reasons for being where you were than catching up with each other.
  3. You duck and cover. Maybe you’re at the mall and you can’t bear the thought of anyone seeing you buying Spanx for that upcoming wedding, so you suddenly decide to stop and bury your face in a clearance rack you had no desire to browse. Or you’re at dinner with friends and spot a guy you went on one and only one truly awful date with – you lift your menu up high and slouch lower in your booth. As long as you don’t make eye contact, there’s no obligation to go there…

Most of us ladies have grabbed a friend by the arm and run away from creepers at the bar, but the practice isn’t limited to creepers. I’d like to tell you that I always say hello. After all, a few nice words can go a long way, and what’s the worst that could happen? But I’ll admit it – I’m definitely a flip-flopper on this issue, depending on the person and the situation.

I do frequently say hi. I ran into my old boss at the mall last year; I walked up to him and said hi, I introduced him to Kirios and he introduced his wife to us. We talked for five minutes and then continued our shopping. Monday morning my boss sent an email gushing about how touched he was that we went up to him, and how lovely it was to meet Kirios. I thought all of the fuss in the message was overkill, but was glad to have made his day.

But there are also plenty of times I back off and lay low. I haven’t seen him for at least five years, and we weren’t close then. I probably wouldn’t have recognized her if she didn’t Facebook friend me after that one party. Or my glasses prescription is out of date and I’m only 96% positive that’s the person who I think it is. I’ll say hi if someone is with other people I’m friendly with, or if we make direct eye contact, but if it’s just me and him or her on the train, I’ll keep reading my paper. Go ahead and call me callous or a coward. Pretend you don’t do it too. I know you do. The duck and cover is here to stay.

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Filed under: Relationships

Semiversary Surprises!

Author: ilana

Nov 15

Yesterday evening, I came home to my apartment to find a bouquet of flowers – pink roses and little lilies (lilies are my favorite), resting in my blender on the center of my dining room table. I called Kirios immediately, and told him how delighted I was with the semiversary surprise.

[I guess I should mention that the first time Kirios brought me flowers; neither my roommate nor I owned a vase. There were too many to fit in a regular drinking glass, so my roommate and I set them up nicely in her blender. We took pictures and thought it was hilarious, and Kirios never let me live it down. But whenever I tried to buy a vase, he would stop me - probably because it gave him an excuse not to buy me flowers – “You don’t even have a vase to put them in!” But news of my multi-purpose blender spread, and come time for my birthday last winter my brother and sister-in-law sent me a beautiful red and yellow glass vase. It’s quite pretty, and it makes for a lovely decoration, but the diameter of its opening is about the same size as a quarter. When Kirios bought me one rose, it was the perfect vessel. But for a whole bouquet, it just doesn’t cut it.]

Back to my phone call with Kirios – who was getting impatient waiting for me to return from work and find the flowers… I thanked him profusely and he told me sweet things and it was nice and I was super happy. And then he asked if I had checked my cabinets yet. So I walked into the kitchen and opened my cabinet to find a container of chai tea powder staring back at me. I gave up drinking coffee a couple of years ago since it was too harsh on my stomach, but I’m constantly drinking tea. When Kirios and I go out to coffee shops, we usually split soy chai lattes. From time to time we’ve purchased the powder or syrup to make our own chais as a special treat. In addition to the chail, I found a container of mulling spices. I had never heard of mulling spices, but I was excited from reading the description – orange rind, cloves, cinnamon, and other delightful spices. Kirios told me that we would warm up wine with it and drink it this winter – what a wonderful treat!

I left the kitchen and went back to the futon. I asked Kirios about his day and we talked about what we were going to do for dinner, etc. After a few more minutes, he asked me if I had opened the refrigerator since coming home, and said he strongly suggested I look in my little cheese drawer. In addition to the package of cheese curds and sun-dried tomato basil cheddar we brought back from Wisconsin, my drawer was filled to the brim with new purchases! Kirios had definitely gone on a Trader Joe’s shopping spree. There were packages of fontina, comte, creamy toscano with espresso, a spanish cheese tapas sampler with iberico, cabra al vino, and manchego, and wild blueberry vanilla chevre. A combination of cheeses that I feel comfortable eating, and those to push my palette. I’m particularly concerned about the goat cheese. I eat goat cheese when it’s a small component of a salad or a pizza without any problem, but I haven’t been a fan of softer cheeses in general, and it looks so weird and purple in the package! I do know why Kirios chose that particular goat cheese to try though – blueberries are my absolute favorite fruit and he’s already surprised me with them before. Anyways, I’ll be sure to report back on how it goes when I try them!

I apologize for writing an entire post about presents from my boyfriend, although I’ve already confessed that we’re that mushy-gushy couple. But his thoughtful surprises made me happy and left me wanting to gush. That, paired with leftovers from our duck dinner, and a weekly family skype date with my parents in Pittsburgh and brother and sister-in-law in Seattle, made for a great start to my week!

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Leading him on or Letting him Down?

Author: ilana

Nov 2

You know that feeling when you’re on an amazing date with someone and you think you’re living in a movie? You laugh all night. He wins you a stuffed animal at the carnival. She holds your hand and it feels like magic. It starts raining suddenly and you kiss. This is the start of something epic. End scene.

Unfortunately, we’re not always starring in our own rom-coms. More often than not, your “date” may have a different interpretation of the events transpiring than you do. You think she’s your leading lady, she thinks you’re the Shakespearean fool, a supporting actor at best. Recently, a good friend of mine – we’ll call him Matt, has fallen victim to this plotline. And how could you blame him. One night Matt was hanging out with his crush Caroline. They danced and had drinks at a nightclub. Then they went to an arcade for car racing, zombie shooting, and air hockey. It sounded like a great night, and Matt was on cloud nine. What could be better? The next day! Matt and Caroline headed to the beach with a bunch of friends. While there, Matt managed to sneak Caroline away from the group for a bit – they found a private cove and embarked on a little rock climbing adventure. Pink sand. Blue water. Mountains on one side of them, the ocean on the other.  Matt knew – this was the start of something epic…

Or at least he hoped. But what you haven’t heard is the back story – Matt had actually developed feelings for Caroline a while back. Matt eventually gained the courage to tell Caroline how he felt, and she politely told him that she just wanted to be friends. Matt was disappointed, but when Caroline moved away, it made things easier on him. Six months later, Caroline moved back to town, and she was anxious to hang out with her good friend. While she was away, Caroline had started seeing someone else. Matt knew that she was in a relationship, and wanted to just be friends. But when they started hanging out again, that familiar spark reappeared. Finally, after these movie-esque pseudo-dates, Caroline asked Matt to catch a movie with her one night. Matt, aware of his escalating feelings and the fact that Caroline had a boyfriend, decided that this was the perfect opportunity to find out once and for all if Caroline could ever see him as more than a friend. Unbeknownst to Matt, and to his great dismay, Caroline decided to invite several other friends to join them at the movies that night. It was the last straw for Matt – he confronted her about his feelings, and again, Caroline told him she just wanted to be friends. Matt was angry, he felt that Caroline had led him on.

I feel bad for my friend Matt; I can definitely sympathize with his feelings of rejection and disappointment. But I’m not sure if his anger is justified. Caroline told him once that she only viewed him as a friend. He partook in those outings with her knowing that she had a long distance boyfriend – a good indication that her heart was with another. And is it so crazy for two friends to go to a bar? An arcade? Or the beach with additional friends? If Matt didn’t have feelings for her, his perception of those days would have been very different. If it had been me making plans to go to the movies with Matt instead of Caroline, and I had ended up bringing more friends along, I’m confident he would have said “the more the merrier.”

So is Caroline at fault for leading Matt on? Should she have behaved differently – anticipated that he still had feelings for her and reaffirmed the fact that her feelings were purely platonic? Maybe – I wasn’t there, and I don’t know her. Maybe there were giggles, winks and hair twirls that gave Matt the wrong idea. But sometimes bubbly personalities can be interpreted as flirty. Who knows what her story was. But I can say that I’ve been in a similar situation before – and it’s not easy to be on the other side of the fence either.

When I was a freshman in college, a good friend of mine, Zack, had a crush on me. Two weeks before classes let out for the summer, Zack asked if I would go on a date with him. I was a bit blindsided, but I told him truthfully that I just wanted to be friends. When we returned from summer break, I found myself putting on the kiddy gloves around him. No more friendly hello hugs. No more asking for special favors. I liked spending time with him, but I was sensitive to the fact that his feelings were different than mine, and I didn’t want to give him any false hope or encouragement.

The following spring I went abroad, and when I returned campus the following summer, the university was pretty deserted. Most underclassmen didn’t stay on campus, but being out-of-state students, Zack and I both wound up subletting on-campus apartments. With no car to visit my non-metro accessible friends on a regular basis, Zack and I naturally hung out a lot during the summer. We spent a day at the zoo and we went out for Indian food in Adam’s Morgan. I had a lot of fun at these outings; they made my summer much more pleasant.

And then one day in August my roommate and I were preparing to move out of our sublet and into our assigned apartment for the school year. Zack sent me an email wishing me good luck on the move. My roommate commented on how her boyfriend had completely forgotten it was our moving day and we simultaneously realized – that whole summer, all of those times I spent with Zack… I was enjoying the company of a friend, and he, like Matt, was living in a fairy tale. It had been over a year since I had told him I wasn’t interested in seeing him and I had hoped (and naively assumed) that those feelings were behind him. I felt terrible – I don’t think I ever “led him on,” but at the same time, I definitely saw how he could have misinterpreted or reframed the time we spent together. I would have hesitated to invite him out for some of those activities if I knew he would have viewed them that way. But what now? It’s not like I could just call him up, “Hey Zack, I know it’s been a while since we talked about this last. But just to be clear, I’m still not interested in being anything more than your friend. Ever.” Harsh.

In the end, I didn’t say anything to him. And a few weeks later the situation blew up when I started talking to a new guy at a party. Zack took my interest in someone else as an invitation for him to stick by my side the whole night. After that, I pulled away from him knowing that he couldn’t “just be friends.” At least not then. I always feel that I could have done more, said something to him, but I still don’t know what would have helped. So “Zack,” if you ever read this, please know – I tried my best. And one of these days both you and Matt both find lovely leading ladies. And it will be the start of something epic…

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Mr. Right and that Mushy-Gushy Couple

Author: ilana

Nov 1

I never thought it would be me, but it’s undeniable; I’m part of that couple. You know who I’m talking about, that mushy-gushy couple that drives all single people crazy. Pet names. Inside jokes. Midday check-ins. Public displays of affection. Calling just to say good night. You name it, I’m guilty of it. At least I can safely say that Kirios and I don’t have “our song,” …yet.

I never thought it would be me. It’s not that I’m not the emotional type – I am. But I’ve never been a real girly-girl. Throughout school I was always involved in a lot of activities and clubs, and I wasn’t willing to let anyone get in the way of my independence and the activities that I wanted to partake in. But shortly after I started dating Kirios things started changing. He sends me a mushy-gushy text message and instead of pretending to vomit, I send one right back. He’s thinking of me, and I’m thinking of him – and of course there are butterflies and rainbows and lots of happy fairy dust.

Sometimes it’s excessive, I’ll admit. But it’s nice to be with someone that evokes those mushy-gushy feelings from you. Obviously there are limits when it comes to those couples. Rubbing your significant other’s tummy while a guest at the dinner table, freaking out when your call isn’t returned within 20 minutes, and of course partaking in activities that should be saved for the bedroom – or at least an extremely crowded bar, are all offenses I’ve witnessed. (And hopefully not committed) Clearly some people and some couples are naturally mushier than others. And I’m no relationship expert, but if you never have any mushy-gushy feelings for your significant other, chances are, you aren’t with the right person.

The other day, I was catching up with a good friend – let’s call her Lauren. Lauren told me she had recently broken up with her boyfriend. They had been together for a few months. He was a bit older, and it always seemed to me like he was interested in settling down while she was still in school and figuring out her life. Lauren’s boyfriend would call her every day and she frequently forgot to call him back. She felt bad and knew she should be better at remembering, but she also didn’t think he was justified in getting upset when he didn’t hear back after only four hours. Lauren’s never been great about keeping in touch with people when she’s busy with work and school. I know it’s cliché, but I couldn’t help telling her – when you’re with the right person, you’ll be thinking about them enough that you’ll want to call. You’ll even want to call regardless of whether he called first.

Today I was chatting with another friend of mine about her love life. Over the past year and a half, she’s kept me up to date on her trials and tribulations in the dating world. It’s almost always the same story with her – she meets a guy who seems pretty cool and they start dating. The guys start falling for her, and she’s not really sure how she feels about him. So she builds up a wall and doesn’t let him in emotionally, but keeps dating him to see if she develops stronger feelings. Inevitably, after a couple days, weeks, or even months, she still isn’t feeling it and breaks off the relationship. But today her story was different – she’s finally met Mr. Right. I’m not saying she’s met her soul mate and that they’re going to get married and have lots of happy adorable children – they just started seeing each other and I definitely don’t have a crystal ball. But I do know that this is the first time her eyes lit up while discussing a guy. She told me about the cute text messages he sends her, and how she can’t stop spending time with him. She’s been introducing him to her friends and she even used the word butterflies at one point. So I guess even the most independent of us could be just a few dates with Mr. Right away from being that mushy-gushy couple.

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